


i'm all alone

by broadway_hufflepuff



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Blackmail, Bullied Simon Snow, Bullying, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oblivious Simon Snow, Old Families, POV Simon Snow, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Penelope Bunce is a Good Friend, Pining Simon Snow, Pining Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Protective Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Simon Snow Needs a Hug, Simon Snow Whump, Simon Snow is Gay for Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Slow Burn, The Mage (Simon Snow) is an Asshole, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow, Watford (Simon Snow)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:28:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25045405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broadway_hufflepuff/pseuds/broadway_hufflepuff
Summary: "No, Simon," Radley says. "Goodness, you're slow." He leans towards me. "Baz was supposed to ruin you. He failed." His pupils seem to slide to slits. "And I've been sent to take over that job for him."When the Old Families send in a boy who's set on destroying Simon slowly, Simon is forced to endure all sorts of painful spells- or else Penny and Agatha will get hurt. In order to get him out of Watford, Simon and Baz must get over their rivalry- and learn to care for each other in the process.Only two problems: Baz has been in love with Simon for years and uses hate as a way to cope. And Simon Snow isn't as strong as he lets on.
Relationships: Dev/Niall (Simon Snow), Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 112
Kudos: 213





	1. Hearts I've broke, now my tears flow.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I had this idea late the other night and wanted to get started on it. I don't know how good it will be- but I'm going to try it. 
> 
> All characters belong to Rainbow Rowell.
> 
> Per usual, please do not repost.
> 
> TW:  
> Bullying  
> Violence? I guess?  
> Panic attacks
> 
> Stay safe, and remember- you matter <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spell I made up is from the song "you were good to me" by Jeremy Zucker and Chelsea Cutler.

**_Simon_ **

  
_"He's a member of the Old Families,"_ Penny whispers to me. Her eyes flick towards the new boy- his lean frame stalking through the dining hall. "His name is Radley Gallows."

"He looks like death," I say. His face is gaunt, ivory skin tight over sharp cheekbones. 

Agatha rolls her eyes. "Honestly, Si. He's kind of attractive." She sighs, pursing her lips shut before more air can escape. I follow her gaze past Radley to Baz, who catches her looking and smirks, eyes traveling her face.

My chest gets tight. "You know," I cut in, "Just because we broke up doesn't mean you _have_ to flirt with other guys in front of me."

Agatha winces. "Sorry."

She doesn't _look_ sorry.

* * *

Radley is in my Magic Words class, as I soon find out. He takes the desk next to me, his grin as hollow as his eyes. I smile back.

"Simon Snow," he says, lip curling. Like Baz, only- Baz manages to make it look fucking glorious. Radley makes it look conniving. 

_Aleister Crowley, Simon, stop antagonising_ _everyone_ , I hear Penny's voice saying, way in the back of my mind. I grimace. Am I really that judgemental? 

"You're... Radley, right?" I reply, trying not to sound like I'd been talking about him for the entirety of lunch. My face grows hot when he doesn't immediately answer.

It takes a few seconds, but he lets out a quick breath. "Yes." Radley flattens his parchment on the desk, his bony fingers tapping. "I can't believe it," he mutters, as if in thought. He turns and smiles at me, thin-lipped. I find myself beaming back- maybe a new friend would be nice, considering the thin ice I have with Aggie.

"What?" I ask. 

Radley tilts his head to look behind me. I spin around.

"Making new friends, Snow?" Baz taunts. His gray eyes ignite a cold stare onto Radley, who spits at him. Baz turns, raises an eyebrow ever-so-flawlessly, (the posh git) and sneers at me.

"I see you're still failing," Radley snaps at Baz. 

Oh. They're not friends. 

"What are _you_ going on about?" Baz is quick to put his hand on his wand. "You shouldn't be here," he growls, teeth bared. I squint, searching for fangs. Baz notices me looking and promptly closes his mouth. "Bloody hell, Snow. Is there something you want to say? _Use your words._ "

I clench my jaw, rage building. "Go away, Baz."

He leers at me, hand still hovering over his wand. 

"You heard him," Radley stands up. He may be skinny, but his glare has Baz beat. "Fuck off."

Baz sneers again, twisting around and storming back to his seat. 

I pull at my curls, frustrated. "Thanks for that. Sorry about him," I say, and Radley's eyes light up.

"Yes," he says, dragging a finger across the curve of the desk's wood. "I'm sorry, too."

"For what?"

Radley lifts his head, turning towards me. His vacant hazel eyes meet mine, sending an uneasy feeling across my skin. "I'm sorry," Radley continues, his voice low, "That Baz can't do his fucking job. He was supposed to ruin you." 

I curl my hands into fists. "What- I know, he's been nothing but a _prick_ -"

"No, Simon," Radley says. "Goodness, you're slow." He leans towards me. "Baz was _supposed_ to ruin you. He _failed_." His pupils seem to slide to slits. "And I've been sent to take over that job for him."

"You can't kill me," I reply quickly, "I'm the Chosen One." It's a weak excuse- one I don't even buy. 

Radley chuckles, his neck tightening with every breath. I bet the a breeze would blow him over, he's so skinny. "You're stupid," he grits, "If you think I'm going to kill you." His bony hands lock around my upper arm, and I try to pull away, but his grip is surprisingly strong. "I'm just going to let you _suffer,"_ Radley hisses, "Until you eventually _break."_ I spit into his face, and Radley laughs. "I wouldn't do that, if I were you. I know spells you don't even know exist." 

His other hand produces a wand. He holds it under the desk. _" **Hearts I've broke, now my tears flow."**_ His voice pushes magic into me, and an overwhelming sadness fills my stomach. 

My eyes burn. I'm suddenly remembering Philippa, and how she lost her voice, and it should have been me. I'm seeing Penny and Aggie getting hurt in past battles against the Humdrum. Boys at the care home scared of me because I was going off. "W-wh-at?" I choke out. What spell is this? 

"Unless you want Penelope Bunce and Agatha Wellbelove hurt, you won't be telling the Mage about this," Radley whispers. "The spell will wear off in a few hours. But don't worry. There's more where _that_ came from. And then he straightens. Plasters on a smile. Raises his hand. "Miss Possibelf? I think Simon's hurt or something."

I reach my hands up to my face, and they come away wet. How much am I crying?

Despair twists in my gut.

"Mr. Snow," Miss Possibelf's concerned is suddenly hanging in my view. " _Simon?_ Are you quite alright?"

My fingers claw through my hair. _Penny. Agatha. Philippa. Care home._ "I need-"

Smoke wafts through the room, and my skin goes prickly. There's no way he can make me go off. That's not- is that possible?

"Simon," Miss Possibelf sounds nervous. "Why don't you stop by the infirmary?"

"He's going to go off," Dev says from across the room.

I push my chair back, tears blurring my vision. _I have to get out I have to get out I can't go off this isn't possible-_ "I- go. Gonna- go."

I stumble through the room, my stomach swirling.

Radley's eyes burn through my head.

I barely make it back to Mummers House before I faint.


	2. coward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dev shakes his head. "You're staring. At-"
> 
> I scowl. "I'm well aware at who I'm staring at, Dev." 
> 
> Dev shrugs. "Whatever, mate, I just figured you'd rather me call it out than Simon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!  
> Chapter 2 is in Baz's POV!  
> Also some Dev/Niall

**Baz**

"Why is Radley here?" I growl under my breath. Dev glances across the room to where Radley is engaged in a conversation with Snow. Merlin, the bloody idiot is smiling at him. Of course they'd end up being friends. Of fucking course. Snow runs a hand through his tawny curls.

Dev lets out a long breath, turning to study me. 

"What?" I snap.

Dev shakes his head. "You're staring. At-"

I scowl. "I'm well aware at who I'm _staring_ at, Dev." 

Dev shrugs. "Whatever, mate, I just figured you'd rather me call it out than Simon."

"Where's Niall, anyway?" I ask, trying to change the subject. Dev and Niall have just barely found out about my persistant crush on the Worst Chosen One to Ever be Chosen, and they can't seem to think of anything more interesting to talk about. I peel my eyes off of Simon's smiling face and rotate my body to face Dev. His face is flushed, and he avoids my eyes.

"I'm not sure," he says. His hand shakes, resting below his nose, slightly over his mouth.

I flick my tongue over my teeth, arching an eyebrow. "You've never been good at lying."

"Maybe I don't want to talk about it. Okay?" he snaps. 

I frown. "Did-"

"Just leave it alone," Dev interrupts. _"Please."_

I huff in irritation. I don't know what it is he isn't telling me, but I know I'll find out. I push myself to my feet.

"Where are you going?" asks Dev.

I smirk. "Leaving you alone." I start towards Snow and Radley's cluster of desks. Radley narrows his eyes at me, challenging me to come closer.

"Making new friends, Snow?" I sneer, directing my gaze more towards Radley's narrow face than Simon's gentle eyes. Radley lifts his chin in defiance and spits at me. I don't flinch when the saliva hits my skin.

"I see you're still failing," Radley says through a grim smile. His gaze darkens, locking on mine for a second.

Something in my gut shudders. Failing at _what?_

"What are _you_ going on about?" I snap, my hand moving to my wand in the back pocket of my trousers. I see Simon eye it, as though he's waiting for me to strike. "You shouldn't be here," I growl. Simon sinks in his seat a little, and I realize he's trying to see if I have fangs or not. The _numpty_. I clamp my mouth shut. "Bloody hell, Snow. Is there something you want to say? _Use your words._ "

Simon's chin sets and he stiffens in his seat. "Go away, Baz."

I snarl, feet set in place.

Radley raises himself to full height. His eyebrows tilt dramatically downward, mouth curling into a smirk. "You heard him. Fuck off."

I roll my eyes and tear my gaze from them, heading back towards Dev.

"What an idiot," I mutter under my breath. Dev glances up.

"I don't know why you insist on making things worse with Simon, Baz. Maybe you should-"

I raise a hand. "You didn't want to talk about Niall, yeah? Well. I don't want to talk about Snow."

Dev is quiet. He splays his hands across the desk. "Sorry."

"Are you alright?"

"I _said_ I didn't want to-"

I glare at Dev. "I'm not asking about Niall, I'm asking about you."

Dev's shoulders slump. "I'm fine."

I raise an eyebrow. "Hmm. Seems false to me. Did you fail a test or something?"

"Baz."

"Or are you still in love with Wellbelove?"

"Baz!"

 _"Or_ are you-"

 _"Baz!"_ Dev shakes my arm. "Baz, do you smell that?"

I wrinkle my nose. "Smell what, exactly?" 

And then I sniff.

_Smoke._

My head immediately shoots to Simon's direction. His skin is bright red, and Radley's hand is raised. The teacher walks over, sensing the situation. "Miss Possibelf? I think Simon's hurt or something."

Miss Possibelf says something to Simon, and he stammers something incomprehensible. Tears cover his freckled skin. His lips are parted in a state of confusion. 

"He's going off," I whisper. I tear my eyes from Snow's distraught form stumbling towards the door. I hate seeing him like this. If I wasn't such a coward, I woud try and help. 

I hate him.

_But I love him._

Dev nods. "What even caused it this time?"

I frown, realising Dev's point is solid. "I don't know."

What _had_ caused Simon to go off?

And why was he crying?


	3. Use your words, Simon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You look horrible," Aggie says, in lieu of greeting. I plop down on the bench across from her and Penny.
> 
> Penny frowns and presses a hand to my forehead. I wince. "God, Si," Penelope murmurs, "You're burning up. Did you go off??"
> 
> "Yesterday," I mumble, and Penny's face falls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Simon POV!  
> TW: anxiety, bullying, etc.

**Simon**

I stall getting ready in the morning, because after yesterday-

I don't think I can do it. Go through that, again. My hands haven't ceased shaking.

Radley's face haunts me every time I blink. I can't tell whether it's part of his spell or if it's just me, slowly going mad.

Baz clears his throat. "You're _extremely_ late, Snow. Those scones aren't going to eat themselves."

I ignore him. I don't have it in me to fight with him. Not today. 

I pretend not to notice him scowling at me.

* * *

"You look horrible," Aggie says, in lieu of greeting. I plop down on the bench across from her and Penny.

Penny frowns and presses a hand to my forehead. I wince. "God, Si," Penelope murmurs, "You're burning up. Did you go off??"

"Yesterday," I mumble, and Penny's face falls.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks quietly. "I could have helped you."

My face burns in shame. "I'm okay. I promise."

_Lies._

The bench shakes and I jump, startled.

"Alright there, Simon?"

I freeze. Radley.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he says, tilting his head into my view. His eyes are cold. Empty. I shudder. "Do you mind if I join you?"

Penny makes a sound with her throat, confused. She narrows her eyes. "Um..." She looks at me. "That's up to Simon and Agatha."

"The more the merrier!" hums Aggie, smoothing down her hair.

Radley swivels his head towards me.

"Sure," I say, but my grip tightens around the bench. Radley's presense pulls my soul down.

"I'm going to go grab some more milk," announces Agatha. "Penelope? Care to join me?"

Pen rolls her eyes, but Agatha makes a face. Ah. Girl talk. "Fine," breathes Penny, and she stands up, following Agatha away, leaving me and Radley alone. 

"Did you tell Penelope Bunce?" Radley demands, pressing a fist on top of my fingers, digging them into the wood.

"No!" I exclaim. "I know what you said, okay?"

"Then why is she so suspicious?"

I shrug. "She's overprotective. Best friends." My hand throbs under his fist. "Let go of me," I hiss.

He releases his hand. I pull my hand into my lap.

"If you tell her, I will kill her. And Agatha Wellbelove. And everyone else you care about." Radley's voice is deep, menancing.

My breathing quickens. "I know- look, I- I won't-"

 _ **"Use your words, Simon,"**_ he pushes. My throat constricts. That's not a spell. He can't have made that a spell- 

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. No. _No no no no no-_

Radley smiles. _**"Cat got your tongue?"**_ he casts, and then adds "That's just a precaution. Let's see if you can last the day without your words."

 _No!_ I try to say. _Why are you doing this?_

Radley's eyes catch Agatha and Penny starting back towards the table. He stands. "See you in magic words, Simon." Radley snarls. "And remember- don't. tell. anyone. _Not that you'll be able to."_ He laughs, and I feel sick. "At least not today."

He walks away, and my anxiety takes over.

I vomit all over the table.


	4. apologies and confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4- Baz's POV. Lemme know if you guys want me to continue this- I really do enjoy this plot and have a LOT of good ideas but I'm not getting a lot of reads, haha.
> 
> Some Dev/Niall and SNOWBAZZZZZZ in this chapter.
> 
> Stay safe and healthy! Xoxoxo

**Baz**

It's late when I return to our dorm. 

Simon's curled up under the covers, the fucking window open (because of course it is). 

"Bunce cornered me and made me drop off your homework," I sneer, tossing a folder on the bed. Snow shifts, but doesn't turn to look at me, or say a word. All I can see is his curls peeking out from his sheets. "What?" I snarl. "No thank you? Honestly, Snow, your manners are _dreadful_."

Simon remains quiet. I roll my eyes. Bloody stuck up prick.

He makes a gurgling sound, suddenly, and I turn, raising an eyebrow. Pushing himself onto his elbows, he gags. 

"Oh, no you don't," I mutter, and I snatch our wastebasket and deposit it under his limp head. "If you're going to throw up, do it in there."

Simon's head lifts, and I pretend not to notice how horrible he looks. It's not even that he looks sick- he just looks _strange._ Not like Simon Snow, the Chosen One, the Mage's Heir. But, like- Simon, the orphaned kid.

I grimace and pull myself back to my side of the room. 

"BAZ!"

I startle, head shooting to study Simon, but he looks just as shocked as me. I follow his gaze to the door.

There's pounding. "BAZ."

"Dev?" I ask, confused. "What the hell?" I stride towards the door and open it a crack. I lower my voice to a whisper, so Simon can't hear. "Look, Snow's sick. Can this wait?"

"Baz," chokes Dev, and I suddenly realize he's crying.

"What-" I open the door a little wider and squeeze outside. "Crowley, Dev, are you alright?"

_"No."_

I run a hand through my hair. "What happened?"

"I need to ask you something."

I narrow my eyes. "Dev. What. Happened?" I demand.

He ignores me. "How did you know you were in love with Simon?"

There's a defeaning silence. And then- "Merlin, Dev! Say it louder, will you, let the whole fucking world hear!" I scowl at him.

He repeats the question, eyes wide. 

I tilt my head. "I don't know why this is necessary."

_"Please."_

I sigh. Fine. "I guess I couldn't stop thinking about him. And how he's so- _good._ An absolute nightmare, but a good person all the more. And he cares for people- deeper than I ever have. Deeper than anyone I know. I want to be with him. I want him to notice me, like- not because he's pissed at me. But that can't happen. Because he has to be the one to kill me. I won't live through killing him. I can't."

Dev blinks at me. He breathes, eyes wild. "Okay. Okay. Christ, Baz, I'm so sorry."

"Dev, what happened?" I ask again. "You can tell me."

Dev cross his arms awkwardly. "I walked in on Niall and some girl having sex."

I step back, lost. "I mean I suppose that's fairly traumatizing, but why all the-" I gesture towards his face- "tears?"

Shaking his head, Dev sighs. "I'm sorry. I know you have a lot to deal with, but I couldn't, like, not tell anyone." He takes a deep breath, releasing a hand through his hair and spiking it up. "Baz, I think I'm in love with Niall."

My world halts. "What? When? How?"

"I think- I don't know. I might be wrong. I could just be- hormonal? But I like girls, too. But then there's Niall and- when I see him with someone else... I just can't. Maybe it's just a best friend thing."

"Best friends don't want each other the way you want Niall," I say. "But, it's okay to be unsure. Or questioning."

Dev nods.

"Does Niall know?" I ask.

Dev's face falls. "No."

My gaze softens. "Are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know, Baz, I- this is so hard, why is this is hard to explain?"

I wrap him into a hug. "It's okay, Dev."

"You never hug me."

I stiffen. "You're making it awkward."

"Sorry." 

I clear my throat and pull away. "For what it's worth, Dev, I'm glad you told me. And I'll be here to talk. If you need it."

"Thanks." Dev looks past me to the door. "Is Simon okay?"

I shrug. "Who knows? The git is refusing to talk to me."

Dev studies me. "You're concerned."

"I am not."

He grins, dimples deepening. "Yeah, you are. Your face is so red, mate."

I groan. 

All of a sudden, there's a gasping noise from inside the room. And a thump. 

"I better go," says Dev.

I'm already halfway inside. "Snow?" I try to keep the panic out of my voice.

"Baz?" whispers Simon, and my heart pounds. I scan the room, my eyes falling on a heap of blankets on the floor. "Baz. Can you hear me?"

I make my way towards the lump. "Yes?"

"Oh," he says. He whimpers a little. "Can you- I need water."

Part of me wants to sneer in his face and leave him to get it himself, but I'm weak for him. And he doesn't sound good.

I head towards the bathroom and fill up his mug from the faucet. I catch myself in the mirror- Dev was right. I _am_ blushing. _Damn it._

I emerge from the room to find Simon sitting on the bed. I hand him the mug. He tries to smile. "Thank you."

"I see we're talking again, now?" I want to slap myself. _Why can't you just let one conversation be civil? Are you really that self-sabotaging?_ I hate that the answer is yes.

Simon's still gulping down water. I stare at his throat, his Adam's apple bobbing with each sip. It takes him placing the glass on the nightstand for me to tear my eyes away. "I'm sorry," he murmurs.

I almost have a heart attack right then and there. Because Simon Snow apologizing to me? That's rare. He never so much as _thinks_ something kind in my direction, I'm almost sure of it. Not that I blame him. I'm an arsehole, especially to him.

Simon runs a hand over his fluttering eyelids and rolls onto his back. "I'm going to bed," he informs me. His voice trembles. "And t-thank y-yo-you for the homewo-" He takes a large, quivering breath. "The homework."

Something is _wrong._


	5. Say “it’s okay”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Thank you SO much for all the kind comments! Here's Chapter 5- Baz is in it, and he's startiing to put two and two together. 
> 
> The spell I made up (in bold and italics, quoted): is from "Cry Pretty" by Carrie Underwood.

**Simon**

Radley won't let anything go.

Baz keeps giving me strange glances since the other night. I can't tell if I'm just being paranoid or if he's trying to get me distracted so he can slay me as I sleep. I hope it's the former.

And the thing is, it's not just Baz. Penny and Agatha can tell something is up, too. What _really_ blows is that neither of them are in my Magic Words class- maybe then someone could figure it out. Maybe someone could _help me._

Radley's taunting smile greets me. I trudge to my seat, for once wishing Miss Possibelf would pull me aside, and tell me the Mage had some crazy mission for us to embark on. Merlin, if only life was still that simple.

"We're going to be working in groups of three today," Miss Possibelf begins, and my heart leaps. If she's assigning them, maybe I won't be with Radley. Aleister Crowley, that would be fucking brilliant. 

She trains her eyes on Baz. He remains seated and meets her look with a cool glance. "Basilton. Why don't you join Simon and Radley's table?"

I slide my hand down my face. What does the universe have against me? Can I just have a minute (however shitty it may be) of peace?

Baz slings a hand around his textbooks, fingers gripping them so hard his knuckles turn pure white. 

Radley rolls his eyes as Baz approaches, snarling as he swipes his own supplies out of the way to make room. "And just when I thought I was through talking to you," hisses Radley, _"Here you are."_

Baz flicks his tongue over his lips. "Yes," he says mildly, as though he's bored. "Here _I_ am." He plops his books down and slides onto the stool. "Shall we begin?"

What a posh thing to say. Can't he just say "can we start?" or "you guys ready?" 

Nope. Not Baz. Of _course_ he has to be all elegant. 

Radley digs his elbow into my ribcage. I wince.

"Let's just get this over with," he spits. He starts flipping through his textbook.

I rub the sore spot from Radley's pointy elbow, anxiety blistering inside me. "Wh-what page did Miss Possibelf say again?"

Baz looks bored. "256, Snow. Do you ever listen?" He traces the spine of the book with his pointer finger. 

Radley laughs. "Basilton, I must say, I expected more from you."

Baz's look is sharp; startled. He narrows his eyes, gray thundering. "And _what_ is that supposed to mean, exactly?"

"You of all people _know_ that Simon doesn't listen. The entire existence of our world depends on him, and he can't even sit in a classroom without going off. It's a pity, really." Radley creases the book so it lays flat on the table. "It's a _pity_ that he's so _pathetic_."

My face burns. I try to focus on not getting angry, not going off- to prove Radley wrong- but my hands clench and unclench under the desk. _Why am I so helpless? What's_ wrong _with me?_

Baz's face is drawn together, his lips pressed in a straight line. He arches an eyebrow. "I thought you were friends," he comments, his voice uncharacteristically slow. 

Radley coughs. _"Right."_ His bony hand grips my wrist. "Simon. Tell Baz it's okay." He lowers his voice and drags me towards him, his voice cruel in my ear: " _ **You can pretty lie and say it's okay."**_

I shake my head. My brain is screaming that it isn't okay. That I'm _not._

But his spells are strong. He's _stronger_ than me. 

"It's okay," my mouth says. I feel numb. 

I'm _pathetic._ Truly, pathetic. Everything Radley's saying is right- I'm no match for him.

Baz's eyes are wide. "Snow," he says, his voice quiet. His stare stays locked on my face. His head whips to look at Radley. "What is this?" Baz asks. "What-"

"I'm okay," I lie again. "I'm okay. It's okay. I'm okay." 

My hand flies up to my mouth, but it's all I can say. Every word I attempt to get out somehow turns into that. I shake my head again, tearing my hands through my curls. Radley smirks. "What was that?" he asks nonchalantly, taunting me. 

"It's okay," I repeat.

Baz stands. "Snow?" he asks again. He puts his hands in front of him. "Bloody hell. You're going to go off."

Radley rolls his eyes, still smiling. "What a shame that would be." His voice is flat. Careless. "Use your words, Simon."

He doesn't put the magic into it this time, but it hurts all the same. 

The room begins to smell like smoke and my head spins. "I'm okay."

Baz shoves Radley a little. "What the hell? Don't goad him into it like that. It's dangerous."

Radley digs his nails into Baz's shoulder. "You think I care?" Radley sneers. Baz growls at him

"Look, Gallows," Dev appears suddenly, his eyes trained on the fight. "I think it's time you leave Baz alone. Alright, mate?"

"Whatever." Radley smashes his thin knuckles into his palm and they pop loudly, one by one, down the line. 

Baz's hair hangs in his face. I see it through the smoke. 

"Simon," Radley says. "Why don't you go back to your dorm? Blow off some steam." He laughs at his little joke.

I step backwards, sweat sticking my jumper to me. _Pathetic. Fuck._ "It's okay." My voice keeps saying it. I want to smash my vocal chords to pieces. _I can't-_

In the end, it's Baz who grabs my arm. "Snow. You have to get out of here. _Now."_

I wasn't expecting him to follow me out.


	6. People Need You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you SO much for all the kind reviews- they made me super happy. I'm sorry this update has taken to long- I've had a lot going on, but I'm back with Chapter 6 - Baz's POV- now. i hope you're ready for some Snowbaz! I know I am :)
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING:  
> There's some talk about suicidal thoughs/self hatred. Please only read if you feel comfortable, and stay safe!

_**Baz** _

Simon stumbles out the door.

I don't realize I'm still trailing after him until he's halfway to our room. (Bloody hell, I really am a pathetic, lovesick fool, aren't I?)

We burst into the dorm, and Simon's still nearly over the edge. He's somewhere between going off and passing out- his eyes sickly and wide; hands shaking in clenched fists. "Snow," I say, eyes glued to his face.

He's standing in the middle of the room, shivering. "It's okay," he replies, almost automatically.

"Why do you keep _saying_ that?"

"I'm okay." He sinks to the floor, back against the bed. Closing his eyes, he lets out several shaky breaths. "I'm okay?" His voice sounds more scared, now. I frown.

"Snow, you need to breathe. Stop talking."

Simon nods, but he can't seem to gather himself. Something stirs in my stomach when he raises his hands to claw his face. He chokes on the smokey air. 

_"Breathe,"_ I say. "Ready? Deep breath in for four seconds. One. Two. Three. Four. There you go. Now exhale for eight." As I countdown from eight, I restrain his hands from further injuring his face, pulling them down to his sides.

Simon makes a noise. "B-baz?"

I roll my eyes, but my eyebrows are still drawn together, a headache forming as my brain tries to process everything. "Yes. That's me. Care to explain why you just repeated the same words over and over and almost exploded in Magic Words? Because I, for one, would certainly like to know."

Simon pales. "Oh."

I raise an eyebrow. _"What?"_

"I-I can't t-tell you."

I huff, exasperated. "Of course you can't. Heaven forbid you trust _me_. Is it because I'm a posh prick, or because I'm an evil vampire who spends all his free time planning to _kill you?"_ I mean it to come out sarcastically, but instead, it sounds like a threat. 

Simon flinches. "Don't. I can't- can't deal with this right now. You should just kill me."

I freeze. The whole world seems to come to a standstill. "What?"

"Yeah. I mean, it would probably save everyone a lot- a lot of time and it would save me from all this and I can't take the pain anymore I just can't I can't I can't I'm not going to b-be able to do thi-this forever." His words come out in one strung-together sentence, and his breathing grows heavy again.

 _"Remember how to breathe,"_ I whisper. I kneel down on the floor next to him. "I'm not going to kill you, Simon. What pain are you talking about? Can you tell me?"

"You hate me."

I trace a finger absentmindedly along my widow's peak. "Maybe so. But I'd prefer not to be around when you take out the entire area of Watford with your wonky magic."

Grimacing, Simon's head falls in his hands. _Wrong thing to say._ "If I- if I...fuck, Baz, if I tell you, he'll hurt people. I can't-"

My throat burns. " _Who,_ Simon?" I ask, even though I have a feeling I already know the answer.

Simon looks down. "Radley."

I growl. I should have _seen_ it. I should have _noticed._ Simon had been acting weird since Radley arrived, and yet I did _nothing. While Radley tortured him._ "What did he do, Snow?"

"What?" Simon looks startled. His eyes are wide. "What do you mean?"

"What did he do to you?"

"Baz, he'll hurt Penny or Aggie or maybe _you,_ I'm not willing to take that risk."

Stupid boy. _Stupid._ What did he do to deserve this? He was willing to take all that alone as long as his friends didn't get hurt. He would have even been willing to do it for _me._ "Your compassion will be the death of you," I say. "I promise. I'll take care of Bunce and Wellbelove. He won't harm them." _Or you,_ I think. I don't say it.

"And wha-what about you? Who protects you?" Simon's voice has gotten a little louder, now. 

I snort. "Come on, Snow. It's not as though you actually care what happens to me."

"Baz, I don't want you doing this for me."

Anger swells in me. "So, what? You're just going to subject yourself to- whatever this is- over and over until he finally breaks you? So long as your friends stay alive?"

"They have people who NEED them, Baz! They have families! Nobody _needs_ me! I'm _not important!"_

My ears ring. How long has Simon Snow, the Chosen One, thought he's disposable? "What did he do, Snow?" I lower my voice as I talk. He's scaring me. I'm _scared_ for him.

"Baz-"

"Tell me. Please. Simon-" 

"Spells," Simon says, "A bunch. I don't know them. They made me weak. Mute. Made me cry. And restricted what I can say. That was the most recent one. And he keeps threatening me- he said until I crack." He shudders. "I should be able to handle it. But it hurts. I don't-"

"Shh. It's okay." I find myself being gentler with him the more his facade cracks. "I'm going to fix this."

"You hate me," Simon repeats. Tears are streaming down his face. "I can't ask you to do this. Nobody needs me."

"You're supposed to save the world, Snow. Everybody needs you." _I need you._ "Bunce needs you to be her best friend. Agatha needs you to her- girlfriend or whatever-"

"-we broke up."

I mask the glee erupting inside me. "Oh. Still. You're being ridiculously daft if you don't believe there are people out there who care about you." I shift my eyes to the floor, realizing how awkward this is quickly becoming. I sneer. "Don't be selfish, Snow. I'll fix this for the sake of the Wizarding World, and then go right back to hating you."

_As soon as I give Radley Gallows what's coming to him._


	7. protective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As soon as he's out of sight, Radley tips a bottle of liquid into my mouth and forces it down. "Have fun in hell, Simon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow it's been a second  
> sorry guys i've been busy!! here's chapter 7.

**_Simon_ **

"I'll be back," says Baz, after a few minutes of sitting with me on the floor. I wipe my eyes and fix my gaze on him. 

"Where are you going?"

Baz slides his eyes to me and sneers. Great. So we're back to that. 

"I don't want to fight anymore," I say, "Please, Baz, I-"

Baz's glare softens. "Crowley, Snow. I wasn't... look, I'm just going to go talk to Radley. Okay?"

My heart plummets. "No! He's a fucking psychopath, he'll hurt-"

 _"Snow._ This is not up for debate. I'll be back."

"Baz-"

"Goodbye, Simon."

* * *

I don't know how long Baz has been gone, but it feels like an eternity. 

He shouldn't be doing this for me. We don't do these kind of things for each other. We don't, like, _worry_ about the others' well-being.

It's strange.

I hoist myself onto my bed and stare at the ceiling. I need to stop this. Stop treating him like he's some sort of monster, when he clearly isn't.

There's a thump outside the door. 

My hands grasp bunches of bedsheets, nervous. 

Another thump.

"Simon??"

That voice. It's not Penny or Aggie. It's not even Baz. Who is it?

I shoot up. "Hello?

"Please open the door. I- he's trying to take me-"

I stumble over to the door. "Who is it?"

"It's Dev. Please. I-"

He goes silent.

I whip the door open. Dev is standing there, petrified, a hand clamped over his mouth. 

"Let go of him, Radley," I growl. "Let. Him. Go."

Radley rolls his eyes. "Nah, I think I'll hold onto him for a little."

"What do you want?" I snap.

"Your attention."

I sigh. "Fine." Only then does he release Dev, who seems to be covered in bruises. _Hide,_ I mouth.

Dev staggers down the hall, gasping for air.

Radley grins. "I have someone you want."

I squeeze my eyes shut. _No. "Let her go."_

Radley raises an eyebrow. "Let _her_ go? Oh, no. No, no. I think you misunderstand me, Simon. I have _Baz."_

My stomach drops. "W-what?"

Radley's smile is cruel. He seizes my arm, fingers gripping hard enough to bruise. 

"Let go of me!" I scream.

"Do you want Baz to get out of this alive? Do you want his death on your hands?"

I go silent.

Radley leads me down to the catacombs. My head is still spinning when he shoves me inside.

It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but when they do, I almost sob in relief- because there's Baz. He's _alive. "Baz!"_

Baz grimaces. "Snow, I'm-"

Radley kicks Baz in the side, and Baz slumps over, coughing. "Enough chit-chat."

I clench a fist by my side, wanting to slam his cheekbones right out of his skull. "Stop. What do you want with him?

Radley pulls the ropes around Baz tighter. He smirks. "I have a new spell I want to try. Believe it or not, I think I might have Baz be the test subject for it."

No. No. No. It's because of _me_ Baz is even in this mess. This is bad. This is very, very bad. I reach for Radley's collar. "Your issue is with me. Leave him out of it."

Baz chokes. "Simon, _no."_

"What's the spell?" I demand.

Radley chuckles. "It's not so much a spell as it is a... potion. Do you remember the spell that made you unable to talk?" 

Baz's eyes widen. "You bastard," he mutters, and Radley kicks him again. 

"STOP!" I yell. "I remember."

"It's like that. But a potion. And it takes away all of your senses. For two days." Radley hums. "No taste. Sight. Hearing. Smell. Touch. And a special bonus: no speech."

Baz goes still. He needs blood. He can't go two days without blood. He won't be able to hunt without-

"Simon," Baz warns, seeing my expression. "Snow. Don't do this."

"You can't," I murmur, "You know you can't. You'll die."

Baz shakes his head. "If you do this, I'll never forgive you."

I smile grimly. "You already hate me. What's the difference?"

_"Snow-"_

I ignore Baz and grab Radley's arm. "I'll do it. Let him go. Please. Just leave him alone."

Radley rolls his eyes. "Wow. That was almost too easy, Simon Snow." He slices through Baz's ropes in one swift cut, almost taking off a hand. Baz is on his feet, his wand already out and pointed at Radley, who laughs. "Easy there, Basilton. I wouldn't go attacking me just yet. I think your friend- cousin?- Dev might need some assistance."

Baz freezes. "What did you do?

"Nothing too horrible. But not too shabby, either."

"Go, Baz," I murmur.

"I'm not leaving you here with him."

"If you don't leave, I'll hurt everyone you love," Radley snaps. His wand is at Baz's throat. "Starting with Niall, and then Dev, and then Simon, slowly and painfully. While you watch. And then _you_."

Baz's face screws into an expression of agony. "Snow..."

"Go!" I yell. 

"I need your word you won't kill him," hisses Baz.

Radley makes a face. "I was never planning on killing him. I'm not a murderer. I just want him weak. So we can get rid of the Mage. Simon is the first step to that."

Baz backs towards the exit. "I'll come find you after," he says, though he sounds unsure that I even want that. "Or- I can get Penny and Agatha. If you'd rather-"

"Don't tell them. They'll get worried. I don't want them to worry."

Baz bites his lip, nodding. "Then I'll be back. I promise."

He leaves.

As soon as he's out of sight, Radley tips a bottle of liquid into my mouth and forces it down. "Have fun in hell, Simon."


	8. planning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Spell lyrics from "Medicine" by Harry Styles because why the hell not*
> 
> SORRY IT'S BEEN SO LONG
> 
> I've been watching The Vampire Diaries non stop but here's the new chapter! Thanks for all your comments and kind words! They mean so much to me. 
> 
> If any of y'all are looking for prompt ideas, I have a few.
> 
> Love you guys <3 Thanks for sticking with this fic.

**_Baz_ **

"Dev, open up!" I growl, fear seeping into my voice. "Dev! Please. He has Simon. Radley has Simon."

A shuffling comes from the other side of the door. "B-Baz?"

"Dev! Are you okay?"

"I don't- I'm dizzy. He cast some spell. I think it- the spell- was from a song by that guy from that band- that singer Mordelia likes? Harry... something? The spell was like- _we're getting dizzy_ or something. I didn't know the song."

I sigh. "You mean 'Medicine' by Harry Styles."

"Yeah! That's the one. Probably. I don't know." There's a thumping sound. "Oops. I fell. Can't really walk."

"Open the door, Dev," I say. I'm getting nervous.

Dev coughs. "I don't think that's a good idea. I look like shit. He punched me real good."

"He _punched_ you?"

"He was threatening to go after Niall if I didn't cooperate and I couldn't- I'm not about to let him do that." Dev's voice grew muffled. "I'll be fine. Just go rescue Simon."

Every inch of me was begging me to run to Simon. But this was _Dev._ And Dev was my cousin. I couldn't leave until I was _sure_ he was okay.

I rest my hand on the door. "Just open the door and show me you're alive in there. And then I'll leave. Okay?"

"Fine." Dev stumbled towards the door and swung it open. I almost fall in, forgetting my hand was still against the oak. "Happy?" asks Dev. I grimace at the blackness forming over his right eye. 

"What the _fuck?"_ someone says. 

Dev's eyes widen, and I spin around. Niall is there, eyebrows furrowed, with a girl on his arm. She sucks in a breath and rolls her eyes. "I thought you said your room was _empty_ ," she whispers, clearly irritated. "What a waste of a concealment spell." She pulls away from him and storms off.

Niall's eyes don't leave Dev's face. "Blimey, Dev, what the fuck happened?" He asks. His voice is low.

"Long story," I say, "But now that you're here- you can get him cleaned up, correct? I have to go save the Chosen One."

Niall looks confused, but peers closer at Dev's face. I start towards the girls dormitories. I'll need Bunce and Agatha to pull this off. 

As I round the corner, I hear Niall say "Christ, Dev, sit down. You look like you're about to pass out."

But he's not fooling anyone.

He's concerned.

* * *

Bunce is _hysterically upset_ when I tell her what's happened. "I didn't even notice!" she complains. "Crowley, I must be a horrible friend, to not see that Radley was hurting Simon."

"Don't feel bad, Penny, I didn't notice either," soothes Agatha. I roll my eyes.

"Yes, Wellbelove, that helped so much. _Thank you_ for your contribution."

Agatha's eyes go stormy. "Why are you being such a prick, Baz?"

"Because you're wasting time, and Snow is being tortured!"

Penny frowns. "Since when did you start caring about Simon?"

I go silent, ignoring her. Just thinking about him _alone_ and scared in the catacombs- it makes me want to die. I can't let anything happen to him. "It doesn't matter when I started caring about him, Bunce. Because I _don't._ But if you care like I know you do, you'll help me."

Bunce softens, her eyes going wide. It's like she _knows._ I twist away from her.

"Are we going to do this?" Agatha pipes up. "Because I don't know how long Simon can take it."

I resist the urge to growl at her, because she's not wrong. 

We have to get Simon out. And fast.

Or else this could cause him more trauma than it already has.

Fuck, it should have been me.


	9. empty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is so short! it's hard to write this one, lol  
> I know EXACTLY what is happening in chapter 10. As long as I am able to sit down and write, it ***hopefully*** will be done quicker than the last update. Thank you guys for sticking with me.

**Simon**

Empty.

That’s all I feel, and that’s all I see. It’s so intense I’m not even sure if I exist.

Is this what a coma feels like? 

The darkness in my head is accompanied only by thoughts. I can almost hear Baz’s voice sneering:  _ But you don’t even think, Snow. _

_ Almost.  _ But I can’t. I can’t do  _ anything.  _ Which makes me nervous. How am I supposed to tell if I’m in danger? 

I guess I’m already in danger, but- like, what if the Humdrum is after me? I wouldn’t be able to do a bloody thing. 

Fear fills my head and I briefly wonder if I can go off- maybe take Radley out with me.

That’s a horrible thought. I don’t want to kill anybody. Not even him. 

Besides, what if Baz or Penny is there? And they’ve found a way to rescue me?

I try not to think about how numb I am.

_ Breathe,  _ I remember Baz saying,  _ Ready? Deep breath in for four seconds. One. Two. Three. Four. There you go. Now exhale for eight."  _

The only trouble is- I can’t tell if I’m doing it.

  
  



	10. sugar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! 
> 
> just a quick TW for this chapter: there's some verbal sexual assault. as in, comments are made, but nothing graphic happens. 
> 
> thank you all for all the love this pic has been getting! only a few more chapters I think!
> 
> Baz and Agatha's relationship is strictly platonic (if you can even call whatever's going on here a friendship.)

**_Baz_ **

I don't know why I agree to let Bunce, Dev, and Niall rescue Simon.

Maybe it's because I know Bunce can get it done quicker than anyone.

 _You're insufferable,_ I say to myself. Because I know the real reason: I want to be the one to take Radley down. I want to make him pay.

 _So,_ I'm stuck with Wellbelove. The plan is for her to distract Radley while I come up from behind, taking him down, or at the very least paralyzing him with a spell. I would prefer to kill him, but Wellbelove insists murder is not part of the agenda today. She's bloody boring.

I sigh. The cloaking spell Bunce cast is concealing me just shy of the Mummers House stairwell. Wellbelove was snuck in as well- I will _never_ know how Penelope got past those wards. 

"Do you even care about Simon?" hisses Wellbelove, her pale arm resting on the railing. "Because you've only treated him like shite-"

I spit. I wonder if she even knows where I'm standing. "You know _nothing_ of how I've treated him," I sneer. She doesn't know the times I spelled his nightmares away; the times I made sure he wasn't dead after a mission gone awry with the Mage; the times I've _defended_ him to my parents. But she'll never now. And Simon- well. Simon probably won't ever know, either.

Wellbelove suddenly stiffens, and motions for me to shut up. With her middle finger.

My eyes follow her gaze. And there he is.

The intolerable prick himself.

"Agatha," says Radley fondly, "I'm... surprised to see you here."

I have to admit. Wellbelove is pretty good at faking it. She blushes, turning to the side. I catch a glimpse of her eyes- all I see is hatred. And fear.

"I had a friend spell me up," she says. She takes a step up the stairs so she's on the landing. "I needed to talk to you. I was wondering if you've seen my friend Simon? I can't seem to find him anywhere, and I know you two are friends."

Radley grins, following her. "Simon? I actually haven't seen him in a while. Shame. Any idea where he may be?"

Agatha sighs. "No, but, truthfully... I'm relieved. He's been driving me crazy. Very clingy and whatnot."

I suck in a breath. I _know_ this is part of the plan, but it still makes me worried. That Radley will see right through it.

Radley laughs. "Really? I thought you two were practically tied at the hip." 

Agatha shakes her head, blonde hair flashing behind her. "Ugh. No. No way."

Radley tilts his head. "Interesting," he says. He raises his hands, and lifts them to examine them, as if he'd just done nails. "Huh."

Agatha peers at his hands. "What?" she asks.

Radley frowns. "Do you see that? There's some sort of scrape."

Agatha narrows her eyes. "I don't see anything-"

He backhands her across the face. She stumbles back. 

"Basilton! You can come out now!" shouts Radley, wiping the blood from Wellbelove's nose on his trousers.

I step out, clenching my fists. Opening my mouth, I ready myself to chant a spell, but Radley flicks his hand at me, and a pressure over my head slams me to the floor.

Radley chuckles. "You _really_ thought you could trick me? How naive." He walks closer towards me, his eyes twinkling with malice. "I must say. I expected better from you, Basilton. You teamed up with Agatha Wellbelove? She couldn't cast a powerful spell if her life depended on it."

Agatha is pulling herself to her feet, and she's absolutely furious. "Shut up, Radley," she growls.

"I mean, look at her," continues Radley. His eyes comb over her in a way that makes me uncomfortable. "I'm sure she's good at _plenty_ of other things." He laughs again, but this time, I'm livid.

"You do _not_ get to say things like that," I mutter. I draw myself to full height, finally standing. "That's crossing a line, Gallows. And you've already crossed plenty of lines these past few weeks. I wouldn't add 'being a pervert' to that list."

Raising his eyebrows, Radley runs a hand down his sharp face. "You don't even like her, Basil. She's not good for anything but being a piece of ass-"

I growl, but Wellbelove beats me to it.

A sugary smell envelops the air, and Agatha's face is bright pink. She shakes with anger. " _I said, shut up!"_ she screams. " _Perverted, psychotic, bastard!!"_ The floor shakes and I stumble, my eyes not leaving Radley.

"Wellbelove," I say through gritted teeth. "We need to go, now." 

Agatha screams, and there's a sickening crack. Mist explodes through the air, and she and I go flying down the hall. 

I rub my head, the sugary scent giving me a massive headache. "Wellbelove?" I ask, running a hand through my hair. She's crumpled on the floor, still shuddering. " _Wellbelove!"_

She raises her head. "Baz? Where's-"

My head snaps to the side. I can barely make out Radley's unconscious form on the floor, twenty feet away. "I think he's out," I hiss. My brain goes: _Simon Simon Simon Simon._

"What just happened?"

I swallow, crossing my arms. "I think... I think you just _went off."_


	11. wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> almost done with this story! I think one or two or maybe three more chapters? thanks for sticking with me!

_**Simon** _

I have a gut feeling that something has changed. With my... situation. _Between me and Baz._

Which seems odd, and scary, considering I can't do anything but _think._

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Baz is right- maybe I'm the worst Chosen One to ever be chosen.

Or maybe-

Maybe someone's here to help me. The Mage? Agatha? Penny?

I don't know why I want it to be Baz so badly.

Part of me wants to chalk it up to the fact that I don't want Aggie and Penny involved in this, but the other part of me can't _stop_ imagining my rescuer being _Baz._ He'd stride in, graceful as fuck, and demand that Radley let me go. Radley would laugh at him, and Baz would snarl at him _-_ and he'd actually _help_ me instead of just putting me down all the time. 

Again, I don't know why I want it to be _him._

_I want him to carry me out of here. Bridal style. Like I'm the only thing that matters._

But it's just because I want to tease him about it later. That's the only reason.

That's it.


	12. love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He has the nerve to smile at me. "You were worried about me."
> 
> I huff. "I most certainly was not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST CHAPTER! Thank you all SO much for all the love you've shown this fic! I appreciate it so, so much, and I'm really happy I was able to stick with it for this long, lol.
> 
> Stay healthy and safe xoxoxo.

_**Baz** _

It's almost been two days since we rescued Simon.

He's still unresponsive, but still breathing, which is more than I could ever ask for. _Simon_ is more than I could ever ask for.

Bunce is sitting cross-legged on the floor. I brush Snow's hair off of his forehead, the feverish feeling not striking my palm as it had before. "It seems he's not burning up anymore."

Penelope looks relieved at that, and rubs her glasses on her sweater, cleaning them. They've been misty from her crying. "Finally," she says.

Neither of us have slept since we got him back. We've taken turns going to get food and watch Simon while Agatha, Dev, and Niall fill the Mage in on what happened. (Honestly, screw the bloody Mage for not noticing what was going on.)

"When are you going to tell him?" Bunce suddenly asks, and I whip my head towards her.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't be stupid, Basilton. You know what I mean."

I raise an eyebrow. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Bunce rolls her eyes. "When are you going to tell Simon that you're in love with him?" 

I freeze. Red rushes to my cheeks and I turn away, shaking. " _What?"_

"Baz. As soon as I levitated him out of the catacombs you practically carried him back to the room. You were crying. You called him _love."_

I sniff. "That didn't happen."

Now it's Penelope's turn to raise her eyebrows. "I _know_ I didn't hallucinate that."

Simon's hand jolts, causing Penny and I to jump. 

"Simon?" asks Bunce, stepping towards him. She gently grabs his hand. "Hey, Simon."

For a moment, I think he's not going to answer. But in a heartbeat, his eyelids flutter open. His eyes are bright and blue and beautiful- and scared. "Penny?" he asks, his voice hoarse.

"I'm here." says Bunce. "Oh, Merlin, Simon. Are you alright?"

Simon's eyes slide to me, and they widen slightly. He tries to push himself to sit up. "I'm fine."

"You're _not,_ " I respond curtly, "Lay back down, you numpty. For a few minutes, at the very least."

Simon closes his eyes. "R-Radley didn't get you, did he?"

"No. Why, were you hoping he did?"

Simon shudders. _"No._ I-"

Penelope glances at me. "I'm going to give you two a minute."

She's out the door before I can protest.

Neither Simon nor I say anything for a long time. He stares at the ceiling, lost in thought. I sigh.

Finally, I speak. "You shouldn't have done that."

Simon's eyes fly open again. "Done what?" he croaks.

"You shouldn't have saved me. You could have been seriously damaged by that potion, Snow. You're an idiot."

He has the _nerve_ to smile at me. "You were worried about me."

I huff. "I most certainly was not."

"Then why did you carry me here?"

I stop breathing. I swear on my mother's grave, I am going to die. Right here and now, of embarrassment and self-loathing. _"What?"_ I hiss. "You heard that?"

Fuck. Fuck. Does he _know?_ Did he hear Penelope-

"You're in love with me," Simon says. 

"No," I reply, too quickly. _"No."_

"Yes, you are. And that's why you helped me. Because you love me."

"Stop, Snow." Tears spring to my eyes. "You're cruel. You're a cruel, heartless-"

" _-Baz._ I'm not teasing you. I just- look. I wanted it to be you."

I blink. "What?"

Simon turns over to face me. "It just makes sense, now. Why I was so jealous of you and Agatha. It's not because I love her."

"You don't love me, Snow. You don't even know me."

Simon laughs. "Don't I? You're Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. The posh git I share a room with. The prick who is so good at football all the girls are tripping over themselves for. One of the smartest people in this school. A good friend."

I scoff. "I'm a _vampire._ A monster."

Simon shakes his head. "If you were a monster, you wouldn't have saved me."

I walk over to his bedside. "Simon, listen to me." I'm breathing heavily- panicking- and I'm fairly sure my hands are trembling. I lean over him. "You don't _want_ me. You don't _need_ me. You just think you love me because I saved your life. You deserve better! You're the Chosen One, and I'm a monster. You need someone who-"

Simon's lips smash into mine.

_The End_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments/kudos and feedback are greatly appreciated!


End file.
